Only in New York

There's an awful lot I could write under this heading but I think that this link just about sums it up...
http://www.nycgarbage.com/

I Predict A Riot

It’s going to take a while before I wean myself off BBC America. Endless episodes of Cash In The Attic, Bargain Hunt, Flog It!, and Homes Under The Hammer. A perpetual supply of daytime TV from back home pumped out for TV auction addicts here. However, it’s not the stream of fake-tanned hosts, bumper cash prizes of £24 and plummy English accents that I tune in for. BBC America also serves up the news – world news. North, East, West and South – that’s where the word comes from, all encompassing. (Actually, that’s a lie. It comes from the plural of new, but that’s not as much fun). Unfortunately the American news networks don’t use the same compass and finding an impartial round-up of global events is somewhat difficult. Unrest in Lebanon will more likely be referring to Lebanon, Tennessee than Lebanon, World. It’s no revelation though. In fact it’s a running joke exploited on Comedy Central by the satirical news program, The Daily Show, for which one of their taglines run, “More people get their news from The Daily Show... than probably should” and as one pundit has written, “I recommend you skip the national news and get your updates here.” Let me just say this, the Television Critics Association actually awarded it the “Outstanding Achievement in News and Information” award in 2004… a bad year for the real news networks I think you’d agree.

Let me take a “time out” (when in Rome). I’ve been puckering up to write about news and politics. The “I Predict A Riot” title was my nice link from the Kaiser Chiefs song (as they’ve just appeared on the 2006 Brit Awards which is on BBC America as I write) to some of the riotous demonstrations that have been going on around the country this week over the tightening of immigration laws. A tenuous link, I admit. However, the insanities that surround US policy-making are a can of crazy worms that I don’t think I’m quite ready to dive into yet. But, as The Brits has been going on in the background I notice that I’ve been channel hopping a hell of a lot. There’s a commercial break every ten minutes. I watched a film on TV the other night, with an original running time of about 2hrs this movie ran to almost three with the breaks - you can pretty much watch two programs simultaneously by hopping back and forth during them. You also find yourself scrolling around the listings every thirty minutes – going through 159 channels only to end up back where you started. I cannot begin to comprehend the sheer volume of nothingness that exists in the airwaves. The phrase “quality not quantity” is one that’s too short and succinct for cable television.
When it comes to advertising I like to think I’m a tough nut to crack – pretty sceptical and wised-up to the subtle tactics that advertises use to slip in under the radar. However this week I’ve come to realise that they’ve found my Achilles heel: flat out repetitive bombardment. It’s chipping away at my firewall and I’m fearful. Already I want to call Geico where 15 minutes could save me 15% or more on my car insurance and, although I have no vehicle in the U.S., it may just be worth it for that offer; and if I get into an accident while driving not only will Geico save me hundreds of dollars but JG Wentworth will arrange my structured settlement which can be paid out over several years or as one single lump sum - get the cash I deserve, now!; I’ll rest up at home cleaning with my new Oreck vacuum cleaner - weighing less than a gallon of milk and with the sucking strength of a force 2 hurricane - and scrubbing effortlessly with the $60 worth of Miracle Stain bullets I received for just $9.99. Further employment shouldn’t be a problem either - by making my computer work for me I can look forward to making up to $5000 a week working as little or as much as I like - just by dialing 1-800- RIP ME OFF.
Binge an evening away with fast food and a movie and you’ll see half a dozen ways to lose the weight you’re invariably putting on: meals replaced with healthy, filling shakes; or revolutionary pills to take twice a day…before food; there’s even surgery if you need a quick fix.

Cable television is a dangerous world and it’s caught me somewhat off guard. The barrage I’ve taken from the commercial breaks alone has swollen my brain and as far as I can see there’s no miracle cure for that yet.

Maybe those protesters could pass by Time Warner on their rounds and push a few satellite dishes over. I really don’t see any other alternative.

My, what big eyes you have

Before I carry on I guess I should put a face to this site. This is me in London - I'm the one on the right. Yes, my big smiley face was blown up to fit on the side of this bridge in Kensington...and the smile cropped by the pavement. With all the resulting fame, adulation and hounding I received, I thought it best to leave the country.

The Beginning...

Eight hours can take you a fair few places from West London: on a train into the heart of Europe perhaps, or down to Portsmouth on a bicycle. A car will get you to the outer reaches of Scotland or a half-dozen times around the M25 on a quiet day – and only half-way around on a busy one. Jump on a plane and the world’s your oyster, literally. It’s a sizeable amount of time. However, it's probably too long a time to be devoted to a commute, there's little time left for anything else. Consider please:
1am - Leave home for start of commute
9am - arrive office (traffic permitting)
Work through lunch and leave at 5pm for return commute
1am - arrive home with just enough time to pick out a new tie for the day ahead.

See what I mean?

It’s for this reason that I’ve had to leave West London… and move to New York.

The likelihood is that if you’re reading this then you probably know me. But this isn’t called the World Wide Web for nothing. There’s a lot of you out there and chances are that someone’s stumbled down to paragraph three here and is wondering, “Who the hell drives round and round the M25? Come to that, what is the M25?” So just for you here’s some background. I’m Ummit. I’m four days away from turning twenty-ten,
live(d) in London for the past eighteen years, was born in Wales (yup), once landed a 737 running on only one engine (indeed), and have eaten bulls' testicle soup (don't ask). It’s all true. As for the M25, it's London’s orbital motorway - or Europe's largest carpark depending on your point of view - its construction began in 1975 and it is 117 miles around.

Web Logs (Blogs). They always appeared relatively pointless to me. Someone’s “I did this today”, “I like that movie”, “My brother Billy has a crush on my best friend Holly.” I don’t know - it all seemed rather inane. So what am I doing here then? Well two things I suppose.

1) I spent last year travelling, lots of countries and lots of experiences. I got to writing down my musings in a journal and in monthly emails to friends and family. The journal has proved to be a great log of the trip – so many things that would have otherwise been lost in my rather whispy memory are now there in ink. And the emails seemed to be popular with at least three people being more of a commentary on the experience than a diary of what I did. So here I am – a foreign pair of eyes in an alien country again, it’s an experience I want to remember and it’s something others may enjoy too as I don’t intend it to be a diary and I don’t intend to be writing about Billy and Holly.

And 2) It’s cathartic. If this first week is anything to go by then getting settled here is going to take a bit of time. I think cleaning out my brain every so often might help me see the wood for the trees. That process may also prove good material for psychology students at NYU too.
So, there’s your background and introduction to the site. Come visit from time to time, post comments if you want, most importantly of all though – if you never come back here again - take this one piece of advice away with you: always check what you’re ordering from the menu if you don’t understand the language it’s written in.