A Winter Ramble

I’ll warn you now, there’s going to be absolutely no structure to this. I’m taking the opportunity to clean out my noggin from some of the musings that have built up during the week.

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President Bush has just come on the box as I write to announce his new strategy for Iraq and that’s sparked off a bushel load of personal irritation. I won’t vent here but I do feel like screaming at the TV whenever he’s on. Has there been a more monumental hash-up than the handling of “the war on terror”? And will George Jr ever get through a live televised address without bumbling over the script? Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr.

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In other classic moments from television (yes, tonight was TV night for me), “Real guns, real bullets, REAL danger!” CBS executives, having spent a day nailing tequila shots and inhaling a pharmacy, reach a moment of clarity and hit upon the concept of recruiting a group of “celebrities” to an Indiana police force. The city of Muncie wake up to find the likes of Jack Osbourne, La Toya Jackson, and a professional female wrestler are now patrolling their streets… with guns. Yup, they’ll hand them out to anyone here. Think Jackass’s Jason “Wee Man” Acuna arresting drivers on crack and Eric Estrada still living in his fictional world of Chips. The season premier was littered with priceless moments: La Toya zapped with 50,000 volts as the team get Tasered, or La Toya asking for a finger bowl in the local grill bar, or La Toya doing her laundry for the first time in her life.

Witnessing what is essentially a female Michael Jackson rough it with the general public is as close as you’re ever going to get to seeing how the reality of MJ being locked-up would have actually panned out... and that’s reality TV I would have tuned in for; CBS really missed out when that ‘not guilty’ verdict came through. Neverthelss I think I might be tuning in for episode two of “Armed and Famous”.

There’s a lovely scent of pine all around the city at the moment. Well, at least when there’s not the smell of noxious gas. In case you missed it, Monday saw lower Manhattan blanketed in a funny pong. Someone had left a very big gas cooker on but no one quite knew where. Still, that didn’t stop the Mayor from announcing that it wasn’t dangerous which is a bold statement to make when, minutes before, you said that you have no idea what the odour is or where it has come from. I noticed no one was smoking at that press conference either. As for the pine smell, you know how that British ad campaign stated "a dog is for life, not just for Christmas"? Well, over here a Norweigan pine forest is for Christmas, not for life. Come January 6th the streets are literally piled high with unwanted trees.

Apparently last year the city collected 156,000 discarded trees. And they're not small either, there are obviously some very big apartments around because these have been chainsawed right out of their roots. Many still have decorations attached, a few still have the lights wound around them, but all are stacked on the sidewalk - which proves painful when you catch a branch on your shin.

Christmas is but a fading memory now and typically January and February have been the dull, grey depressing months. Recollections of low clouds, rain and short sunlight-starved days at work remain clear though. Britain isn't blessed by latitude or the weather at this time of year and I'm grateful for the blue skies and crisp days here. Aside from that freak heatwave last week where temperatures soared to 22degC (72F) and the tulips started to blossom in Central Park, I know it's going to get much colder soon and there's always the prospect of an unwrapped body part falling off; for the moment though this is how winters are meant to be. Let me tempt fate and say, "Bring on the snow Mother Nature, bring on the snow..."