Caffeine-lite

I’m just about familiarised with hearing the “grande vanilla skimmed latte” or “tall two shot with soy” type coffee orders, but the one I overheard this afternoon came right out of leftfield:

“I’ll take a decaf espresso.”

I kid you not. The equivalent of driving a Porche through LA I guess.

It’s been an interesting few days.

Apartment hunting I found an ad posted by a group of actors who actually turn their theatre loft into an informal motel when they’re not performing. Black theatre curtains pinned around blow-up mattresses serve to separate the “rooms”.

Standing in a rather nice hotel room earlier this week it was pointed out to me that the floor was sloping. Sitting in my rather pokey office I have noticed that my chair has a strong desire to roll towards the door. It strikes me that the island of Manhattan may well be subsiding.

My more immediate worries are with the Old Testament-like floods we’re in the midst of. The spectacular lightning and thunder that entertained us last night have rumbled on into today. 4 inches of rain later and Fox 5 News have mobilised their reporters to the streets. Statements to passers-by like, “You’re really wet there! Were you at all prepared for this?”
“Yes, I thought it might rain today,” replies the lady wrapped up snugly in her yellow waterproof poncho. Fox News – where pictures need a thousand words.

The bad weather actually caused a Learjet to crash into the Long Island Sound this afternoon. It turns out that the plane is owned by Pat Robertson. Pat’s a television evangelist. I think Pat may also be filching from the collection bowl.

And finally, travelling out on the Long Island Rail Road today the train rolled through what has to be my favourite place name to-date: Hicksville, NY. Population 41,260 and every one of them proud of their town. Well I presume they were proud of it because there’s a 200ft water tower there with the words “Hicksville District” emblazoned across it for all in neighbouring Syosset to see.

Perhaps the folk back in the city see it another way, “New Yorkers had a horrid way of making people feel like hicks” (Louis Auchincloss). You're not kidding, they just named a town after them.

I was going to wrap it there but on the TV as I write is ABC’s Nightline and I see we've managed to export the obsequious Martin Bashir out to present it. I’m thinking that Bashir has been refused entry back into the UK after his ego-inflating exclusive reports finally galled enough people to extinguish his career for good. He’s obviously found a niche here reporting on banalities as this evening is being spent talking about a food survey that has uncovered this amazing fact: the average American consumes one-third of their daily calories from food prepared outside of the home. I’m thinking that eating lunch at work satisfies that statistic nicely.
Drink up that hot iced-tea Martin, Fox 5 is calling.